Squirrel

                Dahilan. Isang salitang problema ng maraming tao pero di nila alam. Isang salitang gasgas na sa pandinig pero di naiintindihan. Isang salitang medaling unawain pero mahitap hanapin. Isang salitang nakapagbabago ng buhay. Dahilan. Rason. Purpose.

                Purpose is needed in life. May mga nagpapakamatay ng dahil sa nawalan ng dahilan para mabuhay. Iniwan ni Girlie si Boyet. Nakipagbreak ang “buhay” niya. Humanap si Boyet ng tualy. Doon tumalon,patay. Ibinagsak ni Prof si Running for Cumlaude. Nasira ang records ng grade. Naghanap ng lubid, itinali sa matibay na kahoy sa kisame, isinukbit sa ulo. Bigti. Patay. Naghiwalay si Mama at Papa. Ang anak? Naghanap ng pagtatapunan ng buhay. Ayon. Salot sa lipunan. Masyado nang maraming problema ng dahil sa dahilan. Dadagdag ka? Ikaw? Anong dahilan mo? Bat ka buhay? Para makapag-aral pagkatapos ay grumadweyt? Magkatrabaho pagkatapos ay magkapamilya? Then? Mamuhay ng masaya? After? Wala na? Ganon na lang yon? …And that’s the story of a boring life. The end J

                Everything has its purpose. And that purpose is for the grander you. Now, what’s your purpose? Kitams. Mahirap isipin. Mahirap galugarin ang kaibuturan ng isip just to find the reason of our existence. Actually we don’t think about that much. Ni hindi ka  na nga siguro tumigil sa pagbabasa para isipi kung ano nga ba ang dahilan bakit ka nabuhay. Dahil nga siguro sa mahirap isipin. We give up and eventually forget all about it. We go on, and do what makes us happy. We go on what we think is best, on what we think will make us happy. But happiness is not the sole factor of our existence; it’s the fruit of knowing our purpose. Hindi ibig sabihin na masaya ka sa isang bagay ay para sa’yo na. hindi ka bata na kapag nasayahan sa nilalaro at nagustuhan, aangkinin na.

                Minsan, dahil sa tawag ng mga pangyayari sa buhay natin, napipilitan tayong magsettle nalang sa mga “pwede na”. we think it’s the best, but it’s not. Masaya ka sa boyfriend mo, pero ayaw ng pamilya mo. Maniwala ka, hindi siya para sa’yo. Hindi lahat ng masarap, masustansiya. Hindi lahat ng masaya,tama. Hindi lahat ng nagpapasaya ay maaring sabihing dahilan para mabuhay. Bonus lang yon. Hindi dahilan ang family gathering a gifts kung bakit may Christmas. Christmas kasi kaya may family gatherings at gifts. Gets?

                “There’s gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me” sabi ni Stacie Orrico sa song niyan More to Life. There truly is more to life. We can’t find our purpose in ourselves. There’s Someone Greater who knows what’s better for us. Sa mga bagong bagay, kailangan natin ang manual. Doon malalaman kung ano ang mga functions ng bawat buttons at parts ng appliance nab ago. Same with us. San pa ba natin malalamankung ano ang dahilan ng existence natin? Malalaman mo yan. Think deeper. Di mo kailangan magsimba. Kailangan mo mag-isip at magbukas ng isip sa mga bagay-bagay. Matalino ka. Alam mo yan. Pero bakit nga ba dapat malaman kung ano dahilan mo sa buhay? Matalino ka. Malamang kasi mas madali ang buhay. Hindi mo na kailangan mangapa sa mga gusto mo. Di mo na kailangan maglagalag para lang mabuhay ng masaya. Di mo na din hahayaan pa madiktahan ng kung anoang dapat gawin. Alam mo na sa sarili modahil alam mo na ang dahilan mo.

                At kung magtatanong kayo kung bakit squirrel, may malalalim na dahilan. Di madaling intindihin. 

what am i doing in this time and hour?

what am i doing in this hour? i'm spazzing :D hahah . grabe. ang tindi ng tama ko. ngayong oras na to. puro singkit nakikita ko sa screen ng monitor. B-A-R-O. I'm stalking Baro. HAHAHA. Wae? Because I sooooooooo like him! Waaaaah! Ottoke! :D

After ng Hello Baby Season, hindi ko pa din tapos ang MTV Selca Diary nila. Match up naman ngayon :D

Pero parati nila akong pinapaiyak kapag pinapanood ko yung last episode ng Hello Baby. Sobrang heartbreaking lang yung scene na yon. nakakapanibagong umiiyak sila kahit na ang gugulo at kukulit nila everytime may filming sila.


Ito. Ito ang nagpapapuyat sa akin

Lord, there are people who are hurting, people who need my love, people who need my encouragement all around me. Let me use my talents and my gifts to bless them.


In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Supposedly...

Supposedly, we will perform at my school's acquaintance party. Saturday. Night. Sunday kinabukasan. We all have our commitments sa church. I'll teach Sunday School for the Youth, They're at the praise and worship. It was anticipated. Hinugot ko pa si Ammiel at si Kamkam para don. But it turned out to be a frustration.
We got invited by Dani to perform. Prepared for it for almost a week and a half. Though yes we were so excited for it. Ginusto namin yon. We even had the practice finish early just for us to be at school earlier.

Lined up:
-What Faith can do - Kutless but then changed to
-Call to Arms by Urbandub
-Titanium by David Guetta
-How He Loves by Flyleaf

We're ready, Everybody anticipated for it too. I don't know why but it just didn't work. We thought we're on the list who will perform. Dani said so, too. He assured it to us. But our turn's finished. No name from us was called. I got frustrated. Sobrang dami na ng hassle na nangyari samin, hindi pala kami kasama sa mga magpeperform. Inaantok na kami. Gusto na magpahinga at may Sunday service pa kinabukasan. Gusto ko na umuwi, pero ayaw ni Dani. Kaya ipinilit niyang tumugtog kami. Kahit isang kanta lang. How He Loves. Ayun ay dahil gamay na namin yon.


The thought of all the hassles bugged me. Bakit? I know it's against His will na magperform kami. But He still allowed. I thought deeper. I reflect why. What's wrong? I know. It's me. I got so blinded by the flashing lights. Self Righteousness. I got self-righteous. I believe, I was about to take the glory if we're to perform. Taking the glory. I have a tendency for that. And I'm rebuked. Haaaaay. Thank You, Lord. Sa susunod nalang po kapag hindi na ako mayabang. Yung kapag ang lahat ng gagawin ko ay para Sa'Yo at hindi para makilala ako ng mga tao.

there came a text, "Please be reminded of the staff interview for the school publication."

is this it? does this mean that I should gather up my freaking mind again? Gather up. Yes, I believe wonderful thoughts wander off. It's now time to unleash the weirdest in me. It's time to share what has to be shared. May this be what I told God it is for. May this be for His glory.

Rats and Rodents.

I don't know why I hate rodents actually. Ever since, I have this icky feeling whenever they're near. I don't want to see one, I don't want to encounter one. I just don't like rodents. Even rabbits or hamsters. Any kind of rodents. Eew! Yuck!
When we were still in our old house, Kuya played a trick with me. While I was in our kitchen getting something to drink, he threw a camote at me shouting, "Dang, daga!" I panicked thinking it was really a rat. I cried a lot. Of course I got frightened while he's laughing his heart out. Because of that incident, they would always pull trick on me. Another one is, when we are fixing our other house. Because it was unhabited for many years, unlikable creatures were there. Mouses. Cockroaches. In short, PESTS! We were there to clean up but it turned out bad. Since, papa managed to get rid of the lives of those pests, it was Kuya and Ammiel's turn to get rid of their bodies. Dead Bodies. They knew I don't like those pests even if it's not breathing or dead already but they would sway the bodies of those pests in front of me. the worst is, they would even try to throw it at me. GROSS! That was long until they saw tears coming out of my eyes. they always do that.
Sometimes, our cats would catch mice and leave the struggling-for-life mice there where they got tired of playing at them. On the following day, they (mama or anyone in the house) would find the body and let me find it before burying. Another is, I went to Mama's school and paved my way through Subic Wet And Dry market. As I was walking, a rat as big as cat crossed my way. I got so terrified I never went that way again.  Just recently, while I was washing the dishes that evening I saw a mice ran that made me scream. So mama asked what it is and I said it's a mice. My younger siblings heard my answer and plotted to scare me off again. They threw things that would seem like a mouse. they know I cant leave my post, I wasn't finished with the dishes yet. I got bullied by my younger siblings right there and then. They're laughing while I'm terrified.


I don't like Rats and rodents and any kind. When I will have my own house, I will make sure there will be no rats and any kind in there. I will not allow.

Just when I had the chance to watch where no one will scold me and would sneak on what I'm doing, I don't have the feelings to watch it. What's happening?