Lord, there are people who are hurting, people who need my love, people who need my encouragement all around me. Let me use my talents and my gifts to bless them.


In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Supposedly...

Supposedly, we will perform at my school's acquaintance party. Saturday. Night. Sunday kinabukasan. We all have our commitments sa church. I'll teach Sunday School for the Youth, They're at the praise and worship. It was anticipated. Hinugot ko pa si Ammiel at si Kamkam para don. But it turned out to be a frustration.
We got invited by Dani to perform. Prepared for it for almost a week and a half. Though yes we were so excited for it. Ginusto namin yon. We even had the practice finish early just for us to be at school earlier.

Lined up:
-What Faith can do - Kutless but then changed to
-Call to Arms by Urbandub
-Titanium by David Guetta
-How He Loves by Flyleaf

We're ready, Everybody anticipated for it too. I don't know why but it just didn't work. We thought we're on the list who will perform. Dani said so, too. He assured it to us. But our turn's finished. No name from us was called. I got frustrated. Sobrang dami na ng hassle na nangyari samin, hindi pala kami kasama sa mga magpeperform. Inaantok na kami. Gusto na magpahinga at may Sunday service pa kinabukasan. Gusto ko na umuwi, pero ayaw ni Dani. Kaya ipinilit niyang tumugtog kami. Kahit isang kanta lang. How He Loves. Ayun ay dahil gamay na namin yon.


The thought of all the hassles bugged me. Bakit? I know it's against His will na magperform kami. But He still allowed. I thought deeper. I reflect why. What's wrong? I know. It's me. I got so blinded by the flashing lights. Self Righteousness. I got self-righteous. I believe, I was about to take the glory if we're to perform. Taking the glory. I have a tendency for that. And I'm rebuked. Haaaaay. Thank You, Lord. Sa susunod nalang po kapag hindi na ako mayabang. Yung kapag ang lahat ng gagawin ko ay para Sa'Yo at hindi para makilala ako ng mga tao.

there came a text, "Please be reminded of the staff interview for the school publication."

is this it? does this mean that I should gather up my freaking mind again? Gather up. Yes, I believe wonderful thoughts wander off. It's now time to unleash the weirdest in me. It's time to share what has to be shared. May this be what I told God it is for. May this be for His glory.

Rats and Rodents.

I don't know why I hate rodents actually. Ever since, I have this icky feeling whenever they're near. I don't want to see one, I don't want to encounter one. I just don't like rodents. Even rabbits or hamsters. Any kind of rodents. Eew! Yuck!
When we were still in our old house, Kuya played a trick with me. While I was in our kitchen getting something to drink, he threw a camote at me shouting, "Dang, daga!" I panicked thinking it was really a rat. I cried a lot. Of course I got frightened while he's laughing his heart out. Because of that incident, they would always pull trick on me. Another one is, when we are fixing our other house. Because it was unhabited for many years, unlikable creatures were there. Mouses. Cockroaches. In short, PESTS! We were there to clean up but it turned out bad. Since, papa managed to get rid of the lives of those pests, it was Kuya and Ammiel's turn to get rid of their bodies. Dead Bodies. They knew I don't like those pests even if it's not breathing or dead already but they would sway the bodies of those pests in front of me. the worst is, they would even try to throw it at me. GROSS! That was long until they saw tears coming out of my eyes. they always do that.
Sometimes, our cats would catch mice and leave the struggling-for-life mice there where they got tired of playing at them. On the following day, they (mama or anyone in the house) would find the body and let me find it before burying. Another is, I went to Mama's school and paved my way through Subic Wet And Dry market. As I was walking, a rat as big as cat crossed my way. I got so terrified I never went that way again.  Just recently, while I was washing the dishes that evening I saw a mice ran that made me scream. So mama asked what it is and I said it's a mice. My younger siblings heard my answer and plotted to scare me off again. They threw things that would seem like a mouse. they know I cant leave my post, I wasn't finished with the dishes yet. I got bullied by my younger siblings right there and then. They're laughing while I'm terrified.


I don't like Rats and rodents and any kind. When I will have my own house, I will make sure there will be no rats and any kind in there. I will not allow.

Just when I had the chance to watch where no one will scold me and would sneak on what I'm doing, I don't have the feelings to watch it. What's happening?

command responsibility

As I was studying the text, I've encountered "The Father of Sin: Adam". The sinful nature came from Adam. But then, curiosity came out and asked Papa about it. 

"Why is it that Adam got to be blamed even if it was really Eve who sinned? She's the one who picked and ate the fruit first.She's the one who fell for the scheme. How come it's Adam?"

"Command Responsibility. It's Adam's responsibility to take care of everything going on in the garden. So it's Adam's responsibility to get the blame.He's the man. He gets he blame."

Command Responsibility.The one superior gets the blame whatever happens. 

So because Adam is the man and the superior over Eve, he gets the blame that up till now he's the one blaming for the condemnation of man. My thoughts to become somehow a man ended. I finally and absolutely don't want to become a man. Reality, I have thoughts that I should be a man. I would like to become a boy somehow. But, no matter what and whenever I weight things between becoming a man or a woman, I say I still would want and still would want to wear flat shoes and high-heeled shoes than sneakers and rubber shoes. I couldn't figure myself becoming like Charice Pempengco. NEVER! ELK! YUCK! UGH! 

Adding what I had learned from that command responsibility, I'm glad I'm a girl! :D

Missing Brother

Last Thursday, he left.He left nothing, not even a word, not even a goodbye. Although knowing where he will go and what might happen and what to expect when he came back, still, sadness took place. I still would want to spend the craziest things with him. The random flushes of weirdness, and the late night strolls. The talks, the laughters, the sudden 'asaran' and the sharing of random ideas and thoughts. It will took a very long  while before doing all of that again.

Those times when we will go to Olongapo to watch gigs and concerts. He never missed Iyeng's recognition ceremony. He will always be available when we will say "let's go to Gapo" then we'll come home in the middle of the night even though we're not sure if we'll still have a ride home. His constant check on my tempo when I'm on my drums practice.He's always at my side.

He will always be missed.

I'm glad about his decision. I've prepared myself of not seeing him every single day and the fact that he will not be at my side anymore. I've accepted that. I've accepted that he will not be with me in every 'gala' and in every fun moments we'll create. I know it's the fruits of his faith. I'm happy he's growing and I'm looking forward for his stories same as mine when I'm in there.


Soon, he'll experience something bigger and grander. I'm looking forward of seeing him as a more matured man. I love him. He will always be our Bunso Sakto, eventhough he'd outgrown me.

Though I will surely miss our randomness.